Missing Papa

My grandpa (Papa) passed away Monday, one year ago. This time of year is very hard without him. I've been thinking back on our time together, up through the last week of his life when we received the report that he had liver cancer. Throughout my life, he was an incredible example of a man after God's heart. He used to read and pray for hours every night seeking after His Creator.


I wish that I had the fervor he did. He never gave up on his faith, even when everything seemed to be screaming, "RUN AWAY! He (God) may say He is good, but He isn't!" Circumstances did not affect his love for Christ. I know that is something I struggle with. I am so thankful to have had his life as an example for me. He gave me a tangible picture of what it means to live your life for Christ.


I am still hopeful that I will be able to reach that point in my faith and walk with the Lord. It can be so easy to turn my back on Christ and walk away from His truth. The good news is, He never turns his back on me. His love stays strong and His Word stays true.

Grace

I was thinking about a conversation I had with a very dear friend of mine a few years ago about the subject of grace. He was frustrated because in his home group, he was struggling with extending grace to his guys and could not figure out why. I remember telling him that he could not extend grace well, because he had not learned how to accept grace from Christ.


Thinking back on that, I now know that that lesson was as much for me as it was for him. In my own life, I have a hard time accepting grace on a somewhat regular basis. The problem is my pride. Pride that screams that Christ is somehow not enough; that my sin is bigger than he is. When I look at it in those terms, it seems absolutely ridiculous to deny grace.


My frustration comes when I see the hypocrisy of those who claim to be like-minded in their faith in Christ.  How can you accept grace from Christ and simultaneously deny it to others? To these, some sins are forgivable, while others are not. There is no such thing as a point of no return with Christ, so why do we create them for ourselves and others?


I know that my understanding of Christ and who he is, is still far from complete. But I know that I am fully known by Him, which makes my pursuit of Him all the sweeter.

You're Beautiful

I love walking the halls of my school when the preschoolers are walking to their classroom. Their joy is so intoxicating! I can't help but smile walking up the stairs after I pass them. I have had the "opportunity" to teach p.e. for them a few times. Since then, every time I see them I hear, "Coach Powell!!!!" in a high-pitched, but wonderful chorus of five year old voices. I love hearing it! They each reach out and hug me as they walk in line to their classroom, trying to be obedient to stay on the colored tiles as they walk. 


The other day, as I waited for all of the little ones to walk by, one little boy paused as he stood next to me. He looked up at me and said, in the most sincere voice, "You're beautiful...". It took all of my self-control to smile and say "thank you" without laughing out loud. He could not have been more genuine! My heart melted the minute he spoke.


It is moments like that encourage my heart and reassure me that God has me there for a reason. I may face situations that by definition, are nothing less than insane, but there are wonderful moments too. I am definitely grateful for the small victories. The moments when my students finally understand that their futures are in their hands; I'm just there to point them in the right direction. I'm constantly praying for the wisdom to help them find the roads ahead of them.

Patchwork

Few people are truly comfortable in their own skin. Who hasn’t sought approval from another person at some point in his or her life? But why do we think that going to a person who is equivalently unbalanced will somehow fix our issues. We live in a society that screams dysfunction and yet we embrace it and praise ourselves for our accomplishments. How jacked is that?!? We have our heads buried so deep in the sand that we think we can see China on the other side. It is time to put aside our pride and recognize that there is one cure for the sickness that has invaded this world. Our sin, which devours our innermost being, at a rate more rampant than the most extreme cancers known to man, is the one thing that is keeping us from reaching out to the healing that is right in front of us. Day in and day out, we embrace the veil that has been shrewdly placed over our eyes as though we cannot live without its “protection”. Little do we realize that we are willingly clinging to death and destruction, renaming it life and healing so we can stay in our comfort zones a little longer. Our depravity screams out with the desperation of a mother who believes her child has been lost. It is a cry that pierces deep into the soul and calls to question the reasons for life, love, beauty, and time. What is found in the background of the clamoring chaos is the still, small whisper of the God who created it all. He is calling out for resolve on the part of His people, to cling to the cross and lay aside the veil. His is a gift of peace, understanding, and vision. He came to give sight to the blind and to replace the patchwork bond between us and our sin, with a seamless bond only His Son could create. Our bond with sin has never been a perfect fit. We have embraced our sin much like a bride clings to the wedding dress that is four sizes too small, hoping that she can hold her breath long enough to make it fit. All the while, a far more beautiful gown is on display right in front of her that has been custom made to accentuate the beauty that she cannot see in herself. The master weaver is standing by waiting for the bride to experience the comfort that only his gown can offer. It is not heavy or overbearing. The details are perfect and without flaw. He knows nothing less than perfection. He finds joy in His handiwork to such an extent that he offers her the gown free of charge. His joy is made complete in seeing her joy. This perfect gift is the gift we have been offered through His Son. All we are asked to do is to lay aside our baggage and cling to His freeing grace.

The beginning of it all...

So I guess you could call this the beginning. In all actuality, I have been writing for years, but I have at last collected the courage I needed to share my thoughts with more than my pen and notebook. Think what you will, take away what you can, and remember that my thoughts are thoughts constantly in a state of redemption and sanctification. I have not arrived. I hope that the Lord can use this in some way, and whether I ever know about its use or not, I will rejoice in the Lord's sovereignty in my life. He's a lot bigger than me, a lesson I feel I have to re-learn with each new day, but it is one worth learning.